The Vitruvian man woke up from his centuries-long slumber, feeling like an old-school relic in a world obsessed with kale smoothies and 10-step skincare routines. His chiseled abs and symmetrical limbs just didn’t cut it anymore. He wanted to be a real influencer, damn it!

So, he hopped on the latest bandwagon, diving headfirst into a whirlwind of diet and beauty fads. From paleo to keto, gluten-free to dairy-free, he tried it all. But alas, even spirulina couldn’t help him transcend his perfectly sculpted prison.

Desperate for a breakthrough, the Vitruvian man explored the shelves of Sephora, lathering himself in snail mucus, gold-infused face masks, and essence of unicorn tears. But no matter how many serums he slathered on or sheet masks he wore, he couldn’t escape the fact that he was a man out of time.

In a fit of rage and misguided determination, he confronted his creator, Leonardo, demanding answers. “Why did you make me like this?” he bellowed. “I want to be an Instagram sensation, not a Renaissance relic!”

Perhaps Leonardo’s heavenly voicemail was full, or maybe the connection was lost in a sea of Snapchat filters and Facetune. Nonetheless, the Vitruvian man continued his quest, searching for the holy grail of beauty and wellness trends, all the while hoping for a celestial DM from his spiritual guru.

With a Lululemon yoga mat at his feet, he began his prayer to his creator, “Leonardo, grant me the knowledge to navigate the treacherous waters of beauty trends and diet fads, enlighten me with ancient wisdom on achieving a transcendental glow, that I may find the elixirs that shall restore my youth and grant me eternal radiance. Teach me the art of contouring, the sorcery of retinol, and the magic of highlighter!”

The words of his prayer echoed through the loft. With eyes closed, the Vitruvian man awaited a celestial response. But alas, the divine line remained silent, leaving him with nothing but his thoughts and a nagging sense of existential dread.

The world moved on, leaving him behind. The Vitruvian man realized that maybe, just maybe, there was more to life than the perfect selfie. But that revelation would have to wait, because a new skincare routine just dropped, and he needed to get his hands on it ASAP. #Priorities